Why Does Sex Feel So Good?
Not everyone wants to have sex, but those who do, want it to feel good, at a bare minimum. Most of us want it to be fantastic. And we’ve all had bad sex at least once in our lives; though for some of us, it happens much more often than it should. But when sex feels good, it feels effing-amazing! Why, though? What exactly is happening to make a great experience what it is?
There are multiple components to good sex: our biology, sometimes a partner, and the availability of adult stores and all the sex toys they sell. Once you find the right combination of the three, you may never be okay with “meh” sex again.
Here’s what you need to know.
Does sex always feel amazing? No, but most of the time it at least feels “good.” A big factor in what and how we feel is biological. Simply touching someone and being in intimate contact can help release oxytocin in your brain, known as the “love hormone.” This alone feels good. It can also help you feel safe and happy.
During sex, though, physical touch sends signals to our brain through our nerves, especially our pudendal nerve. That nerve extends into the penis, perineum, and anus if you have a penis, and into the anus, perineum, and clitoris if you have a vulva. This helps explain why so many women and others with a vulva have a hard time climaxing through penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation.
Oddly enough, our bodies react to sexual pleasure and arousal as a type of stressor. Our heart rate goes up. We might sweat. A lot’s going on in our brain and body, and an orgasm is a release of feel-good hormones that bliss us out and help us relax again. Maybe that explains why you feel on edge if you have sex but don’t get off (beyond the annoyance of not getting off, of course).
Your Partner Can Help
Let’s be clear, you can have solo sex (aka masturbation) alone, and feel amazing. Your hand or sex toy hits the right spot on your body which cues arousal and then (hopefully) you orgasm. But if you ever thought sex with a partner feels better, in some ways, than masturbation, you’re not alone.
Part of it is the emotional and physical connection you have with your partner. Remember, a pleasant, wanted physical touch can release oxytocin in the brain. When you really like or love someone or simply feel sexual attraction, you’re primed to feel good during sex. At the same time, being able to indulge in an erotic or kinky fantasy with someone you trust feels good, too.
A partner’s skill in bed can play a big part in how good sex feels, though. If they don’t take direction or pay attention to your cues, sex might not feel good at all. But if they put their hands, lips, tongue, and other parts in just the right spot, good doesn’t even begin to cover what you feel.
Sex Toys to the Rescue
A good connection with a partner or knowing your preferred hotspot isn’t always enough to give you the delicious pleasure you desperately crave. Sex toys are here to save the day — as are the adult stores that supply orgasmic pleasure. When your hand or whatever your partner does isn’t enough, a sex toy can help by offering specific stimulation exactly where you want it.
In order to get the good-sex feeling, you can’t choose just any toy. You need to have an idea of what kind of sensation you want or be willing to experiment to figure it out:
- Vibrators work for anyone and almost anywhere: G-spot vibrators, clitoral stimulators, and prostate massagers are just a start.
- Dildos are great for penetration and come in a variety of sizes to give you the internal sensation you crave most.
- Butt plugs and anal beads provide plenty of pleasure at your backdoor.
Best of all, you can use sex toys in combination with whatever you do with your hand or your partner. Put it together, and sex won’t just feel good, it’ll feel amazing!
There are all kinds of reasons sex feels good. Most of them are biological, but anyone who’s ever had disappointing or just plain bad sex knows it’s much more than that. You need the right mood, the right touch, the right sex toy, the right partner, or some combination of all of the above. When you have the perfect mix, sex goes from so-so to mind-blowing.