How to Talk About Sex with Your Partner
Talking about sex with a partner can be exciting or nerve-wracking, and sometimes both. Maybe you want to share a sexual fantasy to try together. Maybe you need to tell them what’s not working for you. It’s not always an easy conversation, but it’s an important one to have. And, believe it or not, adult stores like Caliente Adult can help make the convo easier for both of you.
Set a Time to Talk
This is especially important if you want to talk about improving your sex life, but even if you’re keeping it light, schedule a time to talk with your partner. Throwing out a random comment about sex over breakfast might not get you the attention (or reaction) you want.
Say something like, “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about. When would be a good time for you?” This lets your partner know it’s important to you. It also gives them the option to set a time when they know they can focus on you.
Start the Conversation with the Positives
Even if everything you want to talk about is good — let’s try a new sex position! — not everyone will interpret it that way. Because there’s so much stigma around sex, hearing someone say they want to make a change can be interpreted as “I must be bad at this if you want to do something new.”
So any conversation about sex will start with, ideally, the good stuff. “You do this well” or “I really like when we do this.” If the rest of the talk is about what else you need, hopefully, your partner realizes it’s to enhance what’s already good. And if the rest is about all the new stuff you want to try, hopefully, they understand this just makes the rest of your sex life even better.
Ask Questions and Listen
It’s not enough to tell your partner what you think and want (about sex or anything else). You also need to give them the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex. If your partner seems to have little to say, ask questions. “What do you think about this?” or “Are there sexy things you’d like to do?”
Once you ask a question, or if your partner reacts to what you’ve said, it’s time to sit back and listen. No matter how excited you are about the new sexy thing you want to do, your partner needs to consent to it. They may have questions about how, why, when, or where. They may also need time to process what you’ve said. These conversations can’t be a one-way thing. Both of you need to feel free to say what’s on your mind and both of you need to listen to the other.
Share Your Sexual Fantasies
You’ve set the time. You started with positives. You’re asking questions and listening. If the sex conversation you want to have is about your sexual desires, it’s time to start talking about them. Plenty of people want to do all kinds of sexy, kinky things, but they expect their partner to just “know” or to read their minds. That’s not going to work.
If you feel comfortable, say it out loud. But if you don’t, consider writing it down or sharing part of a book, audio, or porn that describes what you want to try. It takes practice to grow comfortable talking about our sexual desires. Anything that makes what you want clear to your partner will work. So yes, writing it down “counts” as communication.
Shop for Sex Toys Together
You can do this online or you can go to an adult store. Even if you don’t buy anything, browsing the store may make the conversation easier. Looking at different sex toys allows you to talk about how they work, what they feel like, and if either of you wants to try it. Seeing sexy costumes or lingerie may lead to a conversation about role play fantasies to try.
If you’re struggling to say the words, “I want to use this sex toy” or “I want to role play this sexy fantasy,” an adult store lets you point to a thing and say, “This is what I want.” From there, the conversation may flow more easily. And if you buy a new sex toy to bring home, you’ll get to try out your new ideas sooner rather than later.
Talking about sex doesn’t have to be difficult, especially if both partners are open to it. Be patient with each other and willing to listen as much as you speak. Focus on the fun and pleasure, whether you watch porn together or you head to an adult store. Once you have these conversations a few times, it gets easier, and you both get better sex.