5 Must-Haves for Your Sex Life
There’s no single path to having a great sex life. We all have different needs, desires, and boundaries. But a few things are universal. Some must-haves are skills you need to practice and learn, while others are tools you can pick up in a shop like Caliente Adult.
Want a better sex life? Make sure to include these things.
If you read that and think, “Well, of course clear consent is required!” then good for you. Unfortunately, some people still need to hear the message. Let’s break down what “clear consent” means.
- An enthusiastic, obvious yes
- Sexy fun that happens without added pressure from one partner
- Both of you are definitely into it
- You don’t hear things like, “I don’t think so” or “Maybe we can do something else” — those kinds of statements aren’t clear consent.
- Your partner isn’t smiling, laughing, encouraging you, and/or ripping yours or their clothes off — or something else that makes their intent very clear.
If you don’t have these things, stop and ask, “Are we good?” or “Can I continue?” or “Is this something you really want to do?”
Partners who can’t express what they want or need usually don’t get what they want or need. It doesn’t matter if this is a casual hook-up or a long-term relationship. Being able to say, “I like this” or “I’m not okay with that” makes sex better for everyone.
It’s not enough to be able to express your wants and desires. You also need to listen to your partner and accept what they tell you. If they don’t want your hand, mouth, or other body parts in a certain spot, do as they ask. If they tell you certain sex acts are off the table, respect that. When they say, “Faster” or “Slower,” listen and respond. Sex gets so much better when both partners get what they want and need.
Fun and Pleasure
When you have clear consent and open communication, fun and pleasure usually follow. Not always, though. Sometimes we feel weird or awkward, worried about what our bodies look like, what face we’re making, or where that noise came from. Sex isn’t always as sexy and sensual as we see on TV and in the movies. In fact, it’s often awkward and silly.
Letting going of those worries about how we look and sound is one way to bring more fun and pleasure into our sex lives. Being willing to laugh at the strange noises our bodies make or the way a leg will cramp at the wrong moment does, too. Sex isn’t always wildly fun and pleasurable, but great sex includes both.
Lube makes everything better. It reduces friction. It makes penetration easier. Lube lets your bodies, fingers, and sex toys glide effortlessly across sensitive parts. It also serves a practical use: adding more moisture to areas of the body where natural lubricant is in short supply or doesn’t exist at all (like the booty).
The butt can’t lube itself, so if you’re doing any sort of anal play, you need it. The vagina doesn’t always cooperate. (Pro tip: Wetness doesn’t automatically indicate arousal. Someone can be wet and not want sex, or they can be dry as a desert and desperately want sex.) Lube, like most other pleasure products, is a tool to enhance your experience. In this case, lube enhances what feels good and reduces pain.
You had to know this was coming, right? Not every sex act needs a sex toy. Plenty of people have partnered and solo sex without toys and enjoy the hell out of it. But like lube, sex toys enhance your pleasure. They provide stimulation and sensation you can’t get from a hand, tongue, or other body parts.
Sex toys do things you can’t do on your own. Want to play with your butt, finger your vagina, and rub your clit at the same time? Without a partner, you either need a third hand or a sex toy. For some people, sex toys also help them find erogenous zones they didn’t know they had. Prostate massagers and butt plugs allow people to explore anal play in new ways. Vibrators and dildos can help stimulate the G-spot in the vagina.
Vanilla or kinky, alone or with a partner or partners, good sex can only be defined by the people involved. But if something is lacking in your sex life, make sure you at least have these things. The combination of all of them can vastly improve your sexual experiences and increase your pleasure. For lube and sex toys, you know where to go.