What People Get Wrong About Sex Toys
Not liking a sex toy doesn’t make you wrong about it. Wanting to only use specific sex toys in very specific situations doesn’t make you wrong. But a lot of people walk around thinking things that just aren’t true about toys. It’s time to bust some myths and misconceptions so more people can have fun with their favorite toys with less judgment, shame, and worry.
Here are a few things people get wrong about sex toys.
It’s Not You, It’s the Sex Toy
You read the reviews about a specific toy, maybe a hot new vibrator that the internet seems to love. You even have friends who tell you that it gave them 1000 orgasms in 30 seconds. But when you try it, nothing. Barely a blip. You might even actively hate it.
A lot of people worry there may be something wrong with them when a popular (or even random) sex toy doesn’t get them off. It’s never you, it’s always the toy. All that means is that this isn’t the right one for you. For every sex toy you hate, it becomes easier to narrow down your search for the perfect-for-you toy because you learn more of what you don’t want.
No, You Won’t Get Addicted to Your Sex Toy
Sex and porn addiction are often hotly debated arguments in places where people talk about sex and porn. Many sex researchers say it doesn’t exist, while other people disagree. A lot of people worry they’ll become addicted to their sex toys, too. People fear they’ll become reliant on their vibrator. Some people worry they won’t be able to get off without it.
Addiction is a serious illness that involves a disruption of your day to day life. That’s extremely rare with sex and sex toys. What can happen, with a vibrator or a masturbator, is that you grow used to the sensations. That doesn’t make you addicted. It does mean you may want to vary the stimulation you use.
Sex Toys Don’t Fix OR Break Your Relationship
A lot of internet advice, even some things we say here, advise bringing a sex toy into the bedroom to spice things up and make sex exciting again. And we stand by that! But it won’t fix everything wrong in your relationship. Good sex can do a lot of great things for a relationship, but it can’t immediately make you better communicators or help partners respect boundaries.
On the flip side, many people worry about bringing sex toys into bed. They think it sends the signal they’re dissatisfied with their partner. They worry it will make sex weird, harder, or awkward. Sex toys are tools. They take practice to figure out how to use, but ultimately, they don’t have as much power over our sex lives as we think they do. If you talk to your partner and keep a sense of humor, you’ll figure out what works for you — and what doesn’t.
There are More to Sex Toys Than Vibrators
Vibrators are great, amazing, and usually on the cutting edge of sex tech. We love vibrators! But there’s a lot more to the sex toy experience than what buzzes, hums, or pulsates. Dildos, butt plugs, anal beads, prostate massagers, cock rings, penis pumps, the list goes on and on. And then there are toys that don’t necessarily get used on genitals. Think kinky toys like nipple clamps, bondage tape, paddles, and feathers.
How each sex toy gets used – and when – varies from person to person and situation to situation. But if all you ever hear about are vibrators, you might think those are your only options. Which can be disheartening if you realize you don’t like them. There is so much more to explore and try. You never know what will turn you on and get you off — or just feel really good to use!
Why do we believe so many wrong things about sex toys? Probably because most of us don’t have any experience talking about sex and sexual pleasure openly and honestly. If you got any sex education at all, it likely centered around abstinence and maybe, if you’re lucky, condoms and birth control. That means a lot of what feels good about sex is dismissed at best and stigmatized at worst.
The more we talk about the reality of sex toys — the good and the bad — the less stigma and shame people will feel. This means we can all focus on pleasure in the way that works for us as individuals, with or without sex toys.