How to Add Sex Toys to Your Relationship and Sex Life

How to Add Sex Toys to Your Relationship and Sex Life

Too many people believe that sex toys should only be used when you’re single or that they have no place in a relationship and should be kept hidden. You don’t have to give up your favorite sex toy because you’re in a relationship. In fact, it’s a good idea to incorporate them into your relationship and your sex life with your partners.

Ready to bring out your vibrator or butt plug when you’re naked with a partner? Here’s how to make it happen.

Talk to Your Partner

Talk to Your PartnerA lot of people feel threatened by sex toys. They assume that if you’re using one, it means they’re not doing a good job getting you off. So the first part of this conversation may be a lot of reassurance that you’re completely satisfied with them (assuming that’s true). You never want to spring a sex toy on your partner. That doesn’t help build trust and may cause a big argument and a lot of misunderstandings.

Once they’re comfortable with the idea of sex toys, in general, then it’s time to talk about using them during sex. Point out the ways you can both use toys and how they’ll feel more pleasure, too. It’s possible they’ve been playing with their own toys privately and didn’t think they’d ever be part of your sex life together, so this may come as a pleasant surprise.

Try Mutual Masturbation First

If either of you is a little unsure about where to begin, masturbation is always a good idea, especially mutual masturbation. There are two ways to do this:

  • You and your partner masturbate side by side on your own
  • You touch your partner while they touch you — with a sex toy and your hands

Whichever method you go with, incorporate your favorite sex toy. Watch how the other reacts to the pleasure. Learn something new about what gets each of you off. At the same time, you’ll take some of the pressure off using sex toys “correctly” during sex. (Hint: There is no correct way.)

Shop for a New Sex Toy Together

There’s a good chance your partner might not feel comfortable using a sex toy with you that they’ve only used alone. Or the sex toys you have might not feel right for partnered play. The easiest way to get around this is to shop for a new sex toy. You can go online or shop in an adult store together — whichever is easiest and the least stressful.

Talk about what you’d like to experience together. Explore different toys that interest you. This is a great opportunity to discuss your sexual desires in new ways. You may want to try anal play or vibrators you can control with your phone. The entire point is to mutually decide on something you’ll use when you’re naked together. It’ll feel like “our” toy instead of “your” toy.

Play and Have Fun

Play and Have FunThe first time you use a new sex toy, you don’t need the added pressure of performance or the high expectations of big orgasms. So keep this moment as playful as possible. Experiment with where it can be used on both your bodies and what it feels like. If a sex toy has buttons and settings, try each one to figure out what you enjoy.

Keep this moment as light and fun as possible. If one or both of you have an orgasm, great, but that shouldn’t be the expectation. You’re learning how your sex toy works with both your bodies and trying out new techniques. Basically, you’re playing with your toy. And play is supposed to be fun!


Sex toys have a place in your relationship and your sex life. They’re not just for single people, and they’re not just for solo sex. By talking to your partner and making the experience something you do together, you can add a new dimension of fun, pleasure, and satisfaction to your sex life. There’s room for any and all sex toys in bed with you both. All you have to do is find what works best for you both.

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Kayla L. Written by Kayla L..

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