7 Questions Your Partner May Be Too Afraid to Ask About Your Sex Toys
Do you use sex toys even when you’re in a relationship? Does your partner act weirded out about it? There’s a chance they may have questions they’re afraid to ask. And if you’re a partner wondering why your significant other uses toys, these may be some of the burning questions you’d desperately like answers to.
Use these questions as a way to start a healthy conversation about your relationship and how sex toys can be a part of it.
Do you like your sex toy more than me?
Insecurities abound in almost any relationship, and this is one that many people worry about when their partner uses a sex toy. Only you can know if the answer is a yes or no. But if the answer is no, consider emphasizing that the sensations are different, not better or worse. Talk about what you enjoy with your partner. Regardless of the answer, this is a great opportunity to discuss what your partner can do more of that you enjoy.
Am I enough?
Another insecurity your partner may have. While it’s not your job to make all your partner’s insecurities vanish, be honest about how you feel. Again, if the answer is that they’re enough in some ways, emphasize what they offer that a sex toy can’t. Hopefully your partner wants you to be happy, fulfilled, and orgasmic. For some people, the best way to have that is with a sex toy. But your partner can (and hopefully does) offer a lot more than a few orgasms.
What does your sex toy feel like?
If your partner wants to embrace your use of sex toys, good for them! This will likely be the top question on their mind. Depending on the type of toy, you may be able to let them feel for themselves — especially if it’s a vibrator. But if you’re using a toy can’t truly be shared, talk about the sensations you feel. Full, stretched, a tight squeeze, whatever it might be.
Can we use it together?
When your partner asks this question, you know you’ve got someone with an open mind. Not every sex toy is meant to be shared — penetrative toys may need a condom or your partner might not have the right “equipment” for a particular toy. If you feel comfortable sharing your sex toy, great! Don’t ever feel pressured into it, though.
Can we have a sex toy that’s just for “us?”
This is a great solution if you don’t want to share any of your toys. It’s also perfect if you want to find a way to encourage your partner’s acceptance of sex toy use, in general. Any toy can be used together from vibrators to dildo to cock rings. It all depends on how you use it and what body parts are being stimulated.
What do you think about when you use it?
You can share your sexual fantasies or not. If you’re making a mental to-do list or trying not to think about anything at all, you can tell them at — if you want to. Not everyone writhes around like a porn star when they masturbate and not everyone has sexual thoughts even when they’re getting off. But if it’s appropriate, use this moment to talk about your desires and fantasies. It might be a great way to explore new kinds of pleasure together.
Which one is your favorite sex toy?
For anyone who has more than one toy (we see you out there!), it might be difficult to choose or it might not. The answer can give your partner a lot of insight into what turns you on and gets you off. Sometimes a favorite isn’t about how it feels but what you think about while you use it, too. This is another great way to share your fantasies and intimate thoughts about sex and pleasure.
If these questions pop into your head when you think about your partner’s sex toys, maybe it’s time to say them out loud and talk to your partner. And if your partner ever approaches you with these questions, consider this an opportunity to grow closer as a couple and more sexually intimate. How your partner reacts to your answers may tell you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship.