How to Introduce Bondage and Kink to Your Relationship

Have you read (or watched) 50 Shades of Grey and wished you could have some of that? Do you have specific porn you always use to help get yourself off? Are most of your sexual fantasies all about bondage and kink?

You’re definitely not alone. A lot of people are interested in adding kinky fun to their sex lives. If you’d love to try something sexy and kinky with your partner, but don’t know where to start, here’s what you need to know.

Share Your Fantasies

You’ll never get to bring the fantasies in your head to life if you’re not willing to talk about them. You’re going to have to share those thoughts with your partner. Choose your moment well. Look for a time when they’re relaxed, in a good mood, and able to listen to you. Post-sex is one option, but you can always “set a date” to talk, too. Order dinner in, open a bottle of wine, and spill your kinky secrets.

Listen to Their Fantasies

Once you open the door to talking about sexual fantasies, you also need to be willing to listen to your partner share theirs. They may have had things on their mind but weren’t sure how you’d react, either. Talking about this creates added intimacy in your relationship, but it also helps you find common ground. Your kinky fantasies may not align completely, but you may be able to find a way to both get what you want by combining your desires.

Shop Together

While bondage gear isn’t automatically required in order to get kinky, it can make the experience more fun. Shop online or go into an adult shop together and look around. You can go to the fetish section and pick out blindfolds, paddles, nipple clamps, and more. Or you can shop for dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys, too. Any toy can be kinked up and used in your kinky fantasy. You’re only limited by your imagination.

Talk About the Details

Long before you get naked with each other, you need to talk about what you’re going to do. At this point, you’re out of fantasy mode and into reality. So get real with each other. Will you tie your partner up or will they tie you up? What will be used? Will you try a spanking? With your hand or with a paddle? Do you want to roleplay and be different people or is this just about a specific thing you want to try?

This isn’t a time to get shy, either. Knowing the details before you start doesn’t ruin the mood. But it does make sure both of you can consent and share any concerns before you begin.

Think About Safety

Any kind of sex can benefit from having a safeword, but kinky fun should always have one. This is a word (or a gesture if you’re playing with gags) that indicates all play should stop. If one of you feels bad pain or something doesn’t seem right or you get scared, your safeword should be used. It can be a random word like “elephant” or “pineapple” or you can use the color system. Red means stop, green means go, and yellow means slow down.

Decide what your safeword is before you begin. Practice using it so it’s not a completely new thing to you if you do need to call a stop to your kinky moment.

Start Small

A lot of people get really excited when they finally decide to try kink. They buy all the toys and make big plans. That’s fine once you have a bit of experience, but for this first time, start small. Try one thing — like restraints or spanking. See how you feel about that. If it works, do a little more.

Talk About It Later

In your post-kinky sex cuddle or the next day, make time to talk about the kinky thing you just did. Talk about what you liked, what could be better, and what you want to try next. This is a good way to check in with each other. Try not to feel too bad if the first kinky thing you try isn’t something you want to repeat. This is all about playing with pleasure, after all, and there are so many more things to do and discover together.

Conclusion

Getting kinky isn’t exactly like its portrayed in erotica or porn. To have a good time, maintain healthy communication, and keep each other safe, you need to communicate about what you want and what you don’t want. It might feel strange, at first, to admit your BDSM fantasies, but when you find what you and partner enjoy together, it’s definitely worth the effort.

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