How to Enjoy a Vibrator with Your Partner

Vibrators a lot of fun when you’re alone. A quick orgasm before bed. Mindless masturbation in the bathtub. Phone sex with a new match. There are countless ways to enjoy your favorite vibrator.

But that doesn’t mean vibrators are regulated to solo play only. There’s plenty of room in bed for your partner and your vibrator. Here’s what you need to know.

Always Talk About It First

As with any new sexual thing you want to try with your partner, always talk about it first. Few people like things sprung on them out of nowhere, and even less when they’re naked and ready to get busy with you. If you want to bring a vibrator into bed with you, have a conversation about it before bed when your clothes are still on. Talk about how you’d like to use it and give your partner time to think about it — and consent to it.

Control the Vibrator for Your Partner

One way to use a vibrator together is to “drive” for your partner. They have their technique and preferred settings, but you’ll never do it the same way they do. This means they get an entirely new experience with a sex toy they may have loved for years. A lot of the difference comes from the change in angle, but also in the difference in pressure and the way you change the settings.

Let Your Partner Control Your Vibrator

What’s good for one is good for the other — most of the time. As long as you’re up for it, let your partner control your vibrator. The same principle applies when they’re doing it to you — you get a different angle, pressure, and setting switch. The entire experience may feel like you’re playing with a brand new vibrator. When something doesn’t feel good, say something. Let them know they can turn it up, press harder, or when you need a break.

Use Your Vibrator During Sex

However you define it, sex (it’s not all about a penis in a vagina, after all) with a vibrator can be a welcome addition. If vaginal penetration is part of your sexy fun, hold the vibrator against your vulva (or your partner’s body) at the same time. If you or your partner have a penis, they’re not left out of the vibrator fun. Some people like having vibrations against their shaft or testicles during sex or at any other time.

Masturbate Together

Mutual masturbation is absolutely a thing, even if you haven’t tried it yet. Just like playing with your vibrator, masturbating doesn’t have to be something you do alone. And if you want to bring your favorite vibe to bed with you, this is an easy way to do it. You use your favorite toy, they use theirs (or their hand), and you both get yourself off. Masturbate side by side or take turns watching each other. It might feel strange at first, but it’s a great way to learn what you both like and turn yourself on in the process.

Try a New Vibrator Together

If neither of you has a lot of experience with vibrators or you don’t want to bring an old favorite to bed, bring a new vibrator into the fun. Pick something out that’s designed for both of you like a vibrating cock ring or a We-Vibe Sync. Maybe you get a big wand massager and use it for pleasure together and for “personal massage” later. Part of the fun is in shopping for your new vibe and then using it later. This lets you both have input on the features that interest you most, and it becomes a toy for both of you to enjoy, not just one or the other.

Conclusion

Any sex toy can become a couples sex toy, including a beloved vibrator. All you need is a little imagination, plenty of communication, and a willingness to try new things. Instead of hiding your vibrator as a “dirty little secret” (which it shouldn’t be), it can enhance everyone’s pleasure. You both get better sex and more satisfaction as a result. And if your partner is new to sex toys, they get a big education at the same time.

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