How to Choose Your First Strapon

You and your partner have fantasized about it, talked about it, and now you’re ready. You’re going to try strapon sex. But first you have to pick your harness and dildo.

Here’s what you need to know about this favorite couples sex toy.

Think About What You Want Before You Buy

This is a time when the internet is your friend. Before you buy the first strapon kit you see, do a bit of sex toy research about what your options are. Shop with your partner so you both understand what’s available.

Think about the style of harness. Adjustable harnesses are common, but that’s not your only choice. Some look like underwear that you simply pull up and some are nothing but bands.

Think about the type of dildo. Some people have strapon sex because of a problem with erectile dysfunction and may want a hollow dildo. Others have no penis and just want a dildo that fits the harness and is comfortable for both partners.

Decide if you need a strapon kit. A kit is great for beginners because it gives you everything you need. Most come with multiple dildos so you can find the right size. But sometimes you don’t need a full kit because you already have a dildo or a harness.

Harness Comfort Matters

Comfort is key in all parts of strapon sex, but let’s begin with the harness. If it doesn’t fit well or it chafes in certain areas, the partner wearing it isn’t going to have a good time. Not all adjustable harnesses are big enough for larger bodies, so definitely pay attention to the sizing and measurements. Plus-size harnesses are available, though.

If you want a pull-up style of harness that requires no adjustment, pay close attention to the sizing chart offered. If you don’t see one, you may want to skip buying that particular item. The possibility of a bad fit or chafing isn’t worth it.

Dildo Size Matters

Whichever partner is going to meet the fun end of the dildo, size always matters. For those new to penetration — anal or vaginal — smaller sizes are often recommended. You may also want to skip a textured shaft at first, too. Small, thin, and smooth dildos with plenty of lube can make a first time strapon experience much better.

As you grow accustomed to penetration, definitely experiment with different types of dildos. Many are curved to hit the g-spot or p-spot. Shafts with textures can feel really good to some people. And some partners want a big, fat dong to fill them up. No matter what size you choose, keep plenty of lube around and go slowly so your strapon sex is as comfortable as possible.

Dual Sensations

Many strapon kits know that both partners want to feel something during sex. If this is you, especially if you have a vulva and love clitoral or g-spot stimulation, look for a strapon option that offers sensations for both of you. Many will include remote-control for the built in vibrator so you can control the vibes even when you’re harness deep inside your partner.

What About Strapless Strapons?

Strapless strapons are a fun option for many couples. The partner doing the penetrating inserts one end in their vagina and uses their pelvic muscles (kegels) to hold on. The other partner gets the penetration they crave. Both of you get the option of skin-on-skin contact during penetrative sex.

But these kinds of strapons aren’t often recommended for beginners. They require a certain vaginal muscle strength and being comfortable penetrating your partner — at the same time. A strapless strapon is definitely a great toy, but it might be something you work up to instead of a toy you start with.

Conclusion

If you and your partner want to explore strapon sex, there are plenty of ways to play and plenty of toys and gear to buy. Make sure you take your time, do your research, and find what will work for both of you. Don’t be afraid to try different harness styles or types of dildos. The first one might not be quite right, but that’s okay. You’re trying new things and learning what you like and what you don’t like. The most important thing is to communicate and only do what feels good.

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